


lost souls in revelry, running wild and running free

by permets_tu



Category: Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Gen, Platonic Kissing, its not a romantic fic unless u read it that way yay!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:32:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3901480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/permets_tu/pseuds/permets_tu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm sorry," says Ben. Caleb puts his hands on Ben's cheeks and wipes away his tears with his thumbs. Ben closes his eyes, briefly, before continuing, "I'm sorry, I... It's nice to have someone to cry on."</p>
<p>"I know," says Caleb with a small smile, "You know that I'd do anything to help you. We’re in this together, remember that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	lost souls in revelry, running wild and running free

"Ben?" calls Caleb tentatively as he walks into Ben's tent. At the sound of his voice, Ben immediately snaps his head up from what he's writing and gets out of his chair, walks over to Caleb, and without a word throws his arms around him. Caleb isn't surprised or thrown off at all, just wraps his arms tightly around Ben and returns the hug. When they pull apart, Caleb puts his hands firmly on Ben's shoulders, noticing that Ben's eyes are red from lack of sleep. "I heard about Sackett," he says, cautiously, "I'm sorry. I really am. He was..."

"I know," says Ben, his voice rough. "I know that you cared for him too."

"But I wasn't as close to him as you were," Caleb says gently, tightening his grip on Ben's shoulders slightly.

"No, you weren't. I... I cared for him, a lot. And now he's gone. You think that after losing enough people you care about, every one will hurt less. But when I found him... I tried to save him. But it was too late. When I realized what had happened, my heart dropped and I couldn't. I couldn't run fast enough-"

"You probably couldn't have saved him, though. It's not your fault."

"I probably couldn't have saved him. But if Washington had just... I don't know. I don't know anymore. All I know is that Sackett is dead and I... I'm I don’t know what to do."

"I know," says Caleb, softly, "And I'm so sorry. I wish I could have been here."

"I wish you could have, too," says Ben. Caleb notices that his eyes are watering and pulls him back into a hug. 

"You can cry, you know," whispers Caleb into Ben's ear, recognizing that his friend is holding back tears, "It's okay. You're allowed to cry."

Ben buries his face in Caleb's neck and there are a few seconds where he doesn't move, is stone still, and then he begins to shake. His arms tighten around Caleb, hands fisting into his coat, and Caleb can tell that he's sobbing. Caleb knows Ben, has been close friends with him for long enough to know how he cries. He also knows that the best way to deal with Ben when he's like this is just to hold on. So he does, he just holds Ben as close to him as he can, until Ben finally ceases crying and lifts his head and pulls away slightly.

"I'm sorry," says Ben. Caleb puts his hands on Ben's cheeks and wipes away his tears with his thumbs. Ben closes his eyes, briefly, before continuing, "I'm sorry, I... It's nice to have someone to cry on."

"I know," says Caleb with a small smile, "You know that I'd do anything to help you. We’re in this together, remember that." 

Ben nods, leaning his head into the cradle of Caleb's right hand. "I know," he says. Suddenly, his eyes light up very slightly. Caleb recognizes that look. "Caleb," he says, "Kiss me."

Caleb nods, and with no hesitation leans in and presses his lips softly to Ben's. Ben melts into the kiss, immediately opening his mouth and kissing back. It's been a while since they last did this: Caleb can't remember the last time that Ben asked this of him. But Caleb remembers, remembers the feeling, it's a soft familiar feeling that he often finds himself craving when things feel dark. There is no romance in these kisses, only friendship. Their kisses are about safety, about comfort, and although it may seem strange that two men would kiss just because of friendship, it’s a system that works for the both of them.

Ben's arms are around Caleb's neck, now, and their kiss deepens. Ben makes a satisfied noise against Caleb's lips, and Caleb's hands find Ben's hair. This is comfortable, this is light, this is _them_ , and Caleb can feel Ben's relax more every minute. Eventually, Ben pulls away and after pressing one last kiss to Caleb’s lips, he presses their foreheads together. They’re both silent for a few seconds.

“Thank you,” whispers Ben. 

“Of course,” replies Caleb, taking Ben’s hands in his own. “I don’t know how the kissing helps, exactly, but I know it does.”

“It does,” Ben agrees. He sits down on the floor and motions for Caleb to join him there. “Do you remember the first time we tried that?”

“How could I not,” Caleb laughs, “It didn’t turn out that well, did it? But look where we are now.”

“I’ll never forget the look on your face when I asked you to kiss me. I’ve never seen anyone look so surprised at a request before. I mean, of course I know why you looked surprised, of course, but I’m glad you went along with it.”

“I was scared it would ruin our friendship... Thankfully it just made it stronger. It’s been a while, but I’m glad that it helped.”

“It did. Thank you, again. I’m sorry that I’ve been… a mess, since you got here.”

“Come here,” says Caleb, beckoning for Ben to come closer. Ben moves until he’s sitting next to Caleb so that their thighs touch. Ben leans on Caleb’s shoulder and Caleb starts to play with Ben’s hair, undoing the braid and running his fingers gently through it. Ben makes a satisfied noise and pushes into the touch. “It’s okay to show emotion, Ben,” says Caleb, “You’ve been carrying so much weight on your shoulders; it would be unfair to expect you to not crumble under the pressure eventually. Do you really think that everyone who has as much to deal with as you doesn’t break sometimes? Doesn’t mean you’re weak. You’ll bounce back soon enough.”

“You’re right, of course,” says Ben, playing with the fabric of his trouser leg, “But I just feel so weak.”

“But you’re not,” Caleb says, still playing with Ben’s hair, “Although, I haven’t seen you this sad since Na-“

“Don’t,” says Ben, pulling away from Caleb. Caleb immediately regrets bringing up the subject when he sees Ben’s face. “Don’t bring him up, Caleb, don’t ever, don’t ever mention that name to me again, I can’t… I can’t.”

“I’m sorry, Ben,” says Caleb, “I didn’t mean to... to reopen old wounds. I’m sorry.”

“I know you didn’t mean to,” says Ben, beginning to calm down, “I just can’t think about him. That was the second worst thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s been years. That was a different situation.”

“I know,” apologizes Caleb, “I know. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” sighs Ben, leaning back against Caleb’s shoulder. Caleb pulls Ben towards him so that his forehead is on Caleb’s chest and Caleb can wrap his arms around Ben’s shoulders. Ben doesn’t speak for a while, and Caleb doesn’t say anything either, just rubs Ben’s back comfortingly. “I love you,” Ben says, suddenly, into Caleb’s chest, before sitting up. 

“What?” sputters Caleb, “Ben-”

“As in, you’re my best friend and you mean a lot to me and I love you,” Ben says with a smile, “Come on, you know what I meant, Caleb.”

“Of course,” says Caleb, shaking his head and smiling back, “You just threw me off, there.”

“Sorry,” says Ben. “But seriously, thank you. I needed you. I always do, you keep me sane, but especially now.”

“Of course,” says Caleb, wrapping his arms around Ben’s shoulders again. Ben wraps his arms around Caleb and they stay like that for a while, Ben’s head resting where Caleb’s shoulder meets his chest. Caleb presses his lips to the top of Ben’s head, and there is silence.

“By the way, I love you too,” Caleb says, eventually. Ben smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! This might be slightly OOC, I wasn’t entirely sure how to write them, was a challenge to write Caleb’s soft side at points, but I definitely felt like I needed to. I love the idea of platonic kissing and I think it fits well with this pairing. Obviously I wasn’t trying to make this romantic, but it could be read that way if you so choose! Also it shouldn’t be hard to figure out whom Caleb was going to mention before Ben stopped him ☺ Anyway sorry if this wasn’t the best but I enjoyed writing it and can’t stop thinking about Caleb playing with Ben’s hair to calm him down hehehe. I love their friendship. So much. ALSO I’m making sure to post this before 2.06 happens, in case the events of that episode would change anything. Thanks for reading <3


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